Sour Puss

I was trying to organize all of Tom's pictures that I have had taken over the past 7 years. I make it a point to get her pictures taken at least every 6 months usually at a department store studio just to have a record of what Tom looks like. Two years ago I took my own pictures of Tom at 5 1/2 and it didn't go very well. Here is my favorite picture of her. This may be my favorite picture EVER. She makes a good arch enemy. I think this may have to get framed.

Crabby Patties

I emailed a Toledo Blade article about some violence over crab cakes to my friend Justin. I thought it was funny along the lines of this incident that happened in Toledo. Justin forwarded it to The Consumerist and they posted it. Justin even got credited for the submission. Rock on.

http://consumerist.com/2010/01/customer-punches-grocery-store-manager-over-price-of-crab-cakes.html

Help Wanted

A position is available in the world of Tom Brady. She is unable to complete her Super Spy Manual until she can fill out the "Your Arch-Enemy!" page.

Wanted: One Arch Enemy. Must possess dangerous skills, evil ambitions, weaknesses and bad habits. Must be a member of your own Spy Organization. Please submit a recent photograph and resume outlining your ability to meet the above requirements to Tom Brady. A disguise is required for this position.

Something's not right.

I have no idea what is up, but I am feeling a little off lately. Today I was unable to wash dishes, count chicken nuggets or hear children speak at work. I think I need . . . I need. . . . sleep? I am a zombie for some reason.

Sleep escaped me last night for 2 reasons. First, my daughter B (who thinks Tom Brady is a dumb nickname now) slept with me because of the wind. She hates wind. I think I would rather sleep with a . . . OH HELL! I don't know. A ceiling fan? Thinking sucks. She is a whirling, tooth grinding furnace child.

At 5am she woke up to tell me that both cats were sleeping on me. I was on my stomach and both of my 15lb cats were curled up on my bum/back. YES child, I know there is 30lbs of cat on me. They are furnace-like as well as heavy.

Around 5:45am she wakes up sniffling and sniffling and sniffling. I wanted to scream "GET A DAMN TISSUE!!!!!!!!!!!" but I ignored her. She finally got her own box of tissues and emptied out half the box in my bed. When I finally gave up on sleeping, I realized that she had a bloody nose for an hour and there is 1/2 a box of bloody tissues in my bed. ick ick ick. gross gross. kids are nasty nasty nasty.

Nick gets home from Florida tomorrow and I am hoping to keep the house from burning down before he gets home, but the chances are slim. I'm going to call 9-1 and put my finger on the 1 just in case something happens.

On the bright side, I have rediscovered the classic low-cost cleaning power that Ajax powder has. I was at the store wandering the aisles in a fog and grabbed it because my Mom used to have a can under the sink at all times. It was also around 95 cents. Score!

I apologize for my ramblings today. I'm sure someone will appreciate it out there!

Slap Chop Remix

I swear there is NOTHING going on around here worth posting. I have been watching several episodes of LOST lately trying to catch up before the new season starts. I am trying to watch around 72 episodes in just a couple weeks. Why? I don't know.

Today I wasn't watching LOST and was watching the Rose Bowl again on ESPN-U (another reason to ask "why?"). During a commercial break, I see they have re-mixed the Slap Chop commercial. I thought it was a joke, but it turns out my prayers have been answered. I came very close to calling the number this time.

I am Jealous

Nick gets to go to a Goodyear Tire Dealer conference in Orlando this weekend. I miss the Health Inspector conferences I used to go to. The sessions were on such interesting topics like:

Scrap Tire Piles
Critical Control Point Inspections
New Requirements about Tomatoes
Vector and Zoonotic Diseases
Poo in the Pool! What do do?

What kind of conferences can I attend now?

Lunch Ladies of New York
Breakout Sessions: Rubber Glove Reviews, Hairnet/Visor Fashions, Dealing with Bratty Children and their Parents, Soup: How hot is too hot?

Caregivers of Elderly Dogs Conference
Breakout Sessions: Is your old dog deaf or pretending not to hear you?, $900 canine dental bill support group, Soundly Sleeping or Dead? How to tell.

Feline Lower Urinary Tract Disease Awareness Conference
Breakout Sessions: Evil or Bladder Infection?, The Whole Truth about Pee Stains, How to learn to love the smell of urine through hypnosis

Adult Members of Webkinz World
Breakout Sessions: Naming your Webkinz, Webkinz is sooo much better than Farmville, 12 Steps to stop Webkinz addiction

Ten things I learned about skiing.

I don't know if I actually learned ten things, but here it goes:

1. A yard sale is when a skier falls and loses his skis and poles, which end up scattered across the mountainside. (definition from about.com). Nick and Andy taught us that definition before we put skis on. Andy's girlfriend Lane learned first hand.

2. Snow pants look hideous but they are necessary. My legs stayed dry and warm all day.

3. Holiday Valley is as impressive as their commercials suggest. I am a fan. The best part is that it is only an hour away from home.

4. Ski boots are the most uncomfortable piece of sporting equipment ever.

5. Walking in ski boots when you take your skis off makes you walk like a robot.

6. Letting someone else decide how tight to latch your ski boots on to your feet is a bad idea. After 2 hours, my feet were completely numb.

7. Taking a high speed ski lift 4400' up a mountain at night is very stunning and enjoyable.

8. Believing Nick and Andy when they told me I could ski down that same mountain was a MISTAKE. I learned first hand what a face plant felt like. Not quite as entertaining as a yard sale, but painful and scary indeed! Oh boy my neck is stiff and sore.

9. Checking the trail map before skiing down an unfamiliar hill is a good idea. My face plant was in an area marked "more difficult" instead of "easier". It was an honest mistake and I regret heading right instead of left when given the choice. I was scared for my life on the "easier" part of the hill and gently wiped out twice.

10. Taking a tow rope to the top of a baby hill is much more difficult than it looks.

11. Skiing in the rain kinda sucks.

12. I was hoping that it wasn't too late to join the 2010 Winter Olympic Ski Team, but I'm thinking they won't be interested. I'm shooting for 2014. Sochi Russia, here I come!