Year In Review

For those of you who are painfully bored, here is my blog year in review. You can click on the name of the month to re-visit the post I wrote. I tried to pick entertaining posts with pictures.

January: Sarina gets new shoes.
February: Our TV was broken by 2 naughty cats.
March: I made a rainbow cake.
April: Cheeseburger got his tail caught in the door.
May: Tom leans to ride a bike
June and July: Niagara History Museum of Wax
August: Football season started for Tom.
September: Tom starts 1st grade
October: Best day ever.
November: Do you want gravy on your mashed potatoes?
December: Tom delivers Christmas Cheer.

Satisfied

I find this cabinet at Target.com that is exactly what I am looking for. I need a wooden box for my "fine china". The cabinet is on clearance for $82 and it is "espresso" color of wood. Oh joy! I am excited. I am willing to pay a bit for shipping especially since the cabinet is on clearance.

I begin the checkout process and find out shipping is $87. This is much more than I wanted to pay. It is also more than the item I wanted to purchase. I get a bit irritated, but not mad at all. Since I am just a teeny bit upset, I email Target customer service as a last ditch effort to get the cabinet at a cheaper price. Here is what I wrote:

Dear Target, I was so excited to find this Manhattan China Cabinet (http://www.target.com/Manhattan-China-Cabinet/dp/B001NQFHE4/ref=huc_ic_1_pn ) on Target.com. It is exactly what I was looking for. Unfortunately, when I tried to checkout on Target.com, I found that shipping this item would cost $87 and that is more than the cost of the item because it is on clearance. Just wanted to let you know that I will not be purchasing this item due to the shipping costs. It also does not appear that this item is available in store. I am so sad. If you would like to offer this item with another shipping option, please let me know. Sincerely, Sarah

I go outside to shovel snow and remove the car battery from our car that won't start and when I come back in, Target has responded!

Dear Sarah, I'm sorry for the trouble you've experienced with the shipping charges for the Manhattan China Cabinet. Shipping charges are an unavoidable part of using a mail-order service, but we know that they can seem a nuisance.
That's why we're always working to keep our shipping costs as low as possible. At Target.com, shipping and handling charges are based on the following:

• The delivery option you choose
• The weight, size and dimensions of your items
• Your shipping preferences

Because we value you as our guest, go ahead and place the order now. Once you receive an e-mail that confirms your order has shipped, just e-mail us again with your order number, and we'll refund the 50% refund of shipping charges to your credit card.

Oh Target, you are so kind! I think I may actually go ahead and purchase the cabinet now just because they tried to please me.

I am also posting this on my blog so all 30 of you will know how nice Target is. Isn't word-of-mouth the best advertisement?

A Christmas Miracle

Tom waited until 6am to wake us up this morning. That is our Christmas Miracle. Especially since Tom woke up repeatedly starting at 3:30am yesterday morning. I kept her up really late last night complete with a 9:30pm room cleaning session.

Here is my documentation of the lenghty process of putting together a box of Lego people that Grandma Larisa sent to Tom. Tom likes Legos, but she thinks they are a million times more fun when you have more than one Lego guy. Thanks Grandma Larisa!




The lego people did not come assembled.
We completed the gruesome task of separating the heads, torsos and legs of our new little box of characters.
We slowly put together each little "community helper" on the box.


Success! We have our own little army of Lego people.


Complete with my own version of the Lego Village People!

My favorite Lego person of all. . . . the surfer guy in a Speedo!!!!

I love you too Tom.

Tom delivered this note to Nick and I after she was sent to her room on Saturday. Makes me feel all warm and cuddly inside.


Translation: you've both been verry mean to me. Therfore i'm not giving you two my presants.

Tom held our presents hostage for about 15 seconds. Her excitement got the best of her and immediately delivered them to their places under the tree.

Outnumbered

Tom, like any warm blooded human being, likes to keep score. Tom is a LOT like her Dad and likes to keep score of everything. Nick and Tom like to make a tournament out of everything and also will finish a game of paper-rock-scissors with "2 out of 3!"

I am trying to keep Christmas about half as intense as the typical American family. I want to keep the gift count very low. I wrapped Tom's present yesterday and of course, Tom organized the presents by recipient. We got 2 boxes of goodies from Ohio in the mail yesterday. Here is the scoreboard of wrapped gifts as it stands at the moment:

Nick: 1
Tom: 3
Sarah: 7

I have managed to wrap one gift in total and that was at the request of Tom (because she really wanted to see if her X-Ray vision worked). Why do I have so many gifts? Because I guess it is customary to shower the substitute lunch lady at your school with gifts galore.

I have been working at the same school for the last 2 months and I guess some people like me. Tom hasn't seen the last 3 gifts I brought home, but I can probably guess how happy she is going to be.

How Tom Celebrates Christmas

Here is some school work Tom brought home last week. It was about how Tom celebrates Christmas. Pretty standard stuff. I did notice the word "really" underlined twice to emphasize how early Tom likes to wake up. Click on the image for a closer look.

Now I direct your attention to a panel in her drawing. It specifies how early Tom likes to wake up. We have clearly ordered her to let us sleep until 6am. This will be dreadfully difficult because Tom has been waking up around 5:30am lately and it is not even Christmas yet.

Pray for us.

Pants on Fire

Tom lied to my face this morning. It was a very insignificant lie and was ultimately about crumbs of cat food. I don't care what it was about. The kid was dishonest to my face. This made me furious. I didn't hit Tom. I sent her off to school and let myself cool down for 6 hours.

Six hours later and I was still furious. Tom has already had her Playstation sent to a cardboard box in the basement until at least January so I had to think up a better punishment. I chose an essay. I had her compose an essay about Honesty.

This is what she came up with by answering Who What When Why and How of Honesty and Lying. I figured Where is a pretty dumb question to answer. I also asked for an apology and an appropriate punishment for lying. Here is what she came up with:

Honesty means that you do not lie. Lieing is the opesit of Honesty. lieng makes people upset. Everybody should be Honest. You should be honest when a person asks you a qestion. Sorry Mom I should have to go to my room for a day next time I lie.

I had her change her punishment from an hour to a day after she talked herself out of toilet cleaning due to it's harsh nature. I think she has proved her cleverness by thinking through the consequences of going overboard on her self inflicted punishment.

I have decided to forbid her from watching Friday Night Smackdown as a good punishment for today's lie.

Reading Learning Log

Tom has to complete one entry in her Reading Learning Log each week. It is basically a weekly book report that must be 4 sentences or more. This Holiday season, Tom has picked books relevant to the season. Here are her last 2 entries:

The writing prompt for this entry is to write about the beginning, middle and end of the book.

12-8-09
The First Christmas
Gaby Goldstock

In the beginning the angel Gabriel told Mary that she was going to marry Joseph and have a baby name that's God. In the middle Mary and Joseph couldn't find an inn to have the baby. Mary and Joseph had the baby in a manger. The 3 wize men gave Jesus presents.

The writing prompt for this entry is to write about something you learned about the book.

12-16-09
A Blue's Clues Chanuka
Jessica Lissy

I learned that on Chanukah people eat latkes. I learned that Drieidel sides were called Nun, Gimel, Hey and Shin. I also learned that nun looks like a telephone Gimel looks like a telephone with a tail hey looks like a N and shin looks like a W.

Bah Humbug

I'm not shy about my lukewarm love of Christmas. Our tree is a whopping 3 feet tall and I try to limit the amount of Santa presents to one. I do try to stress the Jesus part a bit and this year it really clicked with Tom. She even ordered a book from school about the first Christmas. I am so happy. Not happy enough to put up our tree yet, but still happy.

Today Tom's school bus driver asked me if I was ready for Christmas. I said "not yet" and he replied with "no cookies?" Uuuuhhh NO. I didn't share with him that we don't bake 900 dozen cookies for several reasons:

1. I am a Weight Watcher with no self control.
2. Everyone else is baking cookies and cookies are everywhere.
3. It is messy and provides a little too much family time for me.
4. My cookies suck.

The bus driver then said "No cookies! No pickup!". I reminded him that we live 1/10 of a mile from the school and we would survive without his service.

I do think I may just bake him a batch of my famous Chocolate Chip and Cat Hair cookies just to shut him up.

Health Update.

I took Leroy in to the veterinarian and he is a very healthy cat. He isn't a fat lard (like Cheeseburger) and he even has healthy teeth! Hooray Leroy! I hope to be taking him into nursing homes to visit with old people if he can pass some temperament tests.

Sarina on the other hand is starting to smell like a rotting corpse. She looks like she has been hit by a truck but as long as she is eating, pooping and going on walks, we will take no further action. I hope to wake up one day and find her peacefully dead. I don't want to have to put her to sleep.

Cheeseburger is doing well despite his dependence on the anti-anxiety drugs that keep him from peeing all over everything.

It appears that Tom Brady is suffering from yet another migrane headache this evening. If everything goes as usual, Tom has just finished throwing up the entire contents of her stomach and she is entering into a coma until morning. Poor Tom. This is the 2nd time that she got a migrane while I was away. Nick was a clever chap and gave her a bucket this time.

Now I'm off to transport Tom into her coma chamber for the evening so I can turn on the lights and the television.

Blizzard!!! WOW! Snow!

There was a really huge snow storm somewhere in Western New York. I know because I saw it on the news. There indeed was a storm, but definitely not in West Amherst. We got about 2 inches of snow and both of those inches blew away. We lost power last night which meant an early bed time and school was canceled too. It was pretty neat seeing so many reports on National weather broadcasts about Buffalo, New York. I do live really close to the city of Buffalo but we had no issues with snow.

What many do not realize that the areas North of Buffalo (The Northtowns) gets a LOT less snow than the areas South of Buffalo (The Southtowns). And we get WAAAAY less snow than the Southern Tier, also known as "Ski Country".

Sure, we can get huge snow storms, but not today!

Sugar Buzz

Tom is a good eater at breakfast. It may be her favorite meal. I say "may" because I haven't asked her and I don't care to know. Tom often eats breakfast cereal and I like it because she can get it herself even if the gallon of milk is full.

I don't torture her with only Bran Flakes and those little nasty twigs that should only be used at Guantanamo Bay along with water boarding. I let Tom pick out whatever cereal she wants as long as it has 10g of sugar or less. I picked the arbitrary number of 10 as the limit of sugar in each serving of cereal. It ruled out most of the "Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bomb" cereals (thank you Calvin and Hobbes!) and yet left some of the good ones too. Lately, I have had to limit her to only one bowl. If left unattended, this kid can EAT! She is starting to eat what you may call a "balanced breakfast" with a banana and yogurt due to my new restriction.

Tom will be happy to discover that a ton of forbidden cereals are about to be legal for her because they are changing the sugar content to single digits. I can't wait to chow down on some Lucky Charms!

Click here for more info.

Parent Teacher Conference

Today was our first (and most likely last) Parent Teacher Conference of 1st grade. Tom is doing well . . . blah blah blah. She is a neat kid. Her sloppy handwriting is improving.

BUT

Teacher: She has some minor behavior issues. She makes noises in class.

Me: Noises? What kind of Noises?

Teacher: Weird noises. And sometimes I have to ask her several times to stop.

I came home to question Tom about this issue.

Me: Your teacher says you are doing very well and you are being very careful about your handwriting. But she says that you make noises in class.

Tom: That is true.

I am correctly quoting Tom. She really said "That is true". She sounded like she was testifying in court or something. Tom was completely embarassed about this revelation and I am sure that we won't have any more noises in class from now on.

Me: What kind of noises do you make?

Tom: I don't know.

Me: Are you going to be quiet in class for now on?

Tom: Yes

Me: Your teacher is a tattle tale isn't she?

Tom: Yep!

Wish List

Here is the list that Tom composed yesterday. Of course, she doesn't know what is good for her because her list consists of way too many mentions of video game or wrestling related items. What a tough little dude she is. I do like the Bubble Hockey game! A nice one retails for between $1000 and $3000 dollars. Oh I hope Santa can come through. Ha ha!



Wii
Real football helmet that fits me
Madden NFL 10
WWe wrestling Smack down vs raw 2010
Nintendo DSi
Brian Urlacher Jersey
WWe wresting wring
Lego people
Xbox 360
Club Penguin Igloo
Ice Skates (size 13)
bubble hockey

Dear Tiger

Dear Tiger Woods,

I have been a fan since approximately 1996 when I played one season of High School golf. I still have some of my posters that hung proudly on my walls for years. My first email password included your name and I was the first person on the waiting list at the library to check out your Dad's book.

I am sure that all of this baloney in the news is a lie. Your wife was just practicing her golf swing late at night and you walked in the way. You were in such a hurry to leave the house because your baby was out of diapers and you were just heading out for a quick trip to Walgreens.

Having to explain this mayhem to my daughter Tom has been difficult. She asked why you were in so much trouble and I explained that you were a really really bad driver who crashed into all of the stationary objects on your street. Tom suggested that you get your Cup taken away as a punishment until you win another golf tournament.

I hope you and your wife can reconcile in private.

Sincerely,

Sarah

Home Gym

I get so jealous of my friend talking about going to the gym. I consider options to join a gym but quickly realize I have enough for my own personal home gym. I also have no place to leave Tom while I work out. Here is my collection of mostly un-used equipment:

1. Treadmill
2. Elliptical
3. Exercise Ball
4. 2, 5 and 8lb weights
5. Several Workout DVD's
6. A stack of fluffy white towels
7. 2 cats and a dog that stare at you when you work out

I guess I had better get sweating!

Oral History Project 1995

My Dad reminded me that I recorded a discussion between my Dad and Aunt Lola and I for a school project. I remember it was quite difficult to get Aunt Lola to talk because we were using a tape recorder. Aunt Rose was there too, but it was unlikely she said anything. I didn't transcribe the conversation, so the transcript didn't clarify if Aunt Rose said anything. The cassette tape is long gone but I found the transcript. I think the internet is a nice place to store it for now.

An Oral History
April 26, 1995

Sarah: Can you tell me where my great grandparents were born?
Aunt Lola: Mexico
Dad: What were their names?
Aunt Lola: John Garcia and Donicia Garcia.
Sarah: How many children did they have?
Aunt Lola: Five boys and seven girls
Sarah: What type of work did they do?
Aunt Lola: Labor. They worked in the big fields, tomatoes. After they grew up, they worked in the service, in the factories, and right now, they all work in factories.
Sarah: When did they come to Toledo?
Aunt Lola: I think in 1926.
Sarah: Did they work here?
Aunt Lola: My oldest brother worked in factories. We still work in the field, picking tomatoes out in the country. My brother works in town.
Dad: Didn't you travel around in wagons?
Aunt Lola: Yes, in the South, before we came here. Way back, pickin' cotton. We always drove a model-A. We used to go on different farms to work pickin' cotton. When we got back here, we drove model-T Fords. That's how we traveled to work.
Sarah: How old were you when you picked cotton?
Aunt Lola: I used to go to school and my father used to work in the lumber mill. We went to school in Texas until the 3rd or 4th grade. She [Aunt Rose I think] went to school until the 7th or 8th grade. After that, we moved to Toledo and we bought a home in the country. That's where we were raised.
Dad: What can you tell Sarah about her grandmother, Sarah?
Aunt Lola: She went to school and she came to Toledo to take nursing training. by the time she came to Toledo, she was school aged. She graduated from high school in 1933, then took her nursing training. Then she met your Dad's Father and she got married. That's your Grandmother.
Dad: How old was she when she died?
Aunt Lola: She was young when she died. She died of cancer at age 25 or 26.
Sarah: What did [Aunt] Pauline do?
Aunt Lola: She went to school, worked a little in the fields.
Dad: Who was the oldest?
Aunt Lola: Louie. He died. Pauline, Juanita, Frank, then you [Aunt Rose], then me, then Ted, Sally, Stella-she died, Sarah. She's the baby in the family so she was pretty smart to get around.
Dad [to Aunt Lola]: Your grandfather John, was born in San Antonio, Texas in 1863 and at that time, it was part of the Confederacy because he was born during the Civil War. And I believe from reading his obituary, your grandmother was born in Laredo, Texas in 1884.
Aunt Lola: I know that grandmother was born in Laredo.
Dad: I've been told that grandma was Indian.
Aunt Lola: Great grandma was Indian-Montoya. Grandpa was Spanish from Spain. That's what makes Mexicans-the mixture of Spanish and Indian.
Dad: Who drove the wagons?
Aunt Lola: The boys, Louie and Frank. The last time we were working, lightning hit. My brothers were taking the team of horses and the lightning hit. It killed the team of horses. I was standing there. My Dad gave us a little piece of salami. He was eating a piece of salami. When I hear the lightning, I got shook up and I ran. My dad grabbed me from the neck, because I was going to jump the fence and if I had jumped the fence, I would have been electrocuted. But he grabbed me from the neck back. The horses was dead because they burned. After that, my dad started working the beets.

That appears to be the end of the conversation. I do recall my Aunt Pauline telling me about working the beets. She said that it was hard work and was really hot. She said they cut their hair short when they worked the beets.

Aunt Lola Part II

I couldn't get the scanner to work yesterday so here is the picture I wanted to include in yesterday's post about my Great Aunt. Here is a picture of Aunt Lola and baby Tom at the hospital. Note how gigantic Tom looks even though she was under 7lbs at this time. Aunt Lola was a tiny gal. She also was very sure she had no idea how to feed a baby that day. This was a big lie because Aunt Lola knew everything.

First Snow

It is finally snowing in Buffalo! We had to wait all the way to December? On that note, it is December 1st and time to start opening your Advent Calendars! Sarina got so excited that she opened Tom's last night and ate every single chocolate. Don't worry, she didn't die. I learned a lot about chocolate toxicity in dogs via the internet last night and she wasn't in any danger from the 75g of cheap milk chocolate she ate.

Tom tried to get herself completely ready all by herself before I was out of the shower this morning. She was wearing her coat and gloves by 6:58am. Breakfast? Hair Brushing? Feeding the Cats? Not Today! She even did her homework without being asked.

Aunt Lola

Aunt Lola and one day old Tom Brady.

Aunt Lola was the coolest! Really. She wasn't just any sweet old lady. Aunt Lola tells it like it is. Leave a memory in the comments if you knew her. Even if you didn't know her, leave one anyway (just kidding!)

TOMECEK Lola (Garcia) Aunt Lola Tomecek (Garcia) of Toledo, OH, passed away November 28, 2009, at Heartland of Browning in Waterville, OH. She was born March 11, 1910, to John and Elizabeth (Rendon). She had a great devotion to her family which included three generations of nieces and nephews for whom she babysat and always enjoyed sharing time with. Lola is survived by her brother, Thatcher Garcia. She was preceded in death by brothers, Louis, Frank, Theodore, and Fred Garcia; sisters, Sarah Bush, Pauline Rojas, Juanita Miller, and Sally Vargas; nieces and nephews, Raymond (Cheryl) Garcia, Ruth Ann (Terry) Mohler, Frederick (Linda) Garcia, Isabel Rojas Dailey, Alice Sutton, John and Ron Garcia, Waldo Bush, Hank Garcia and Joseph Vargas. The Garcia family would like to thank the staff of the Arcadia Unit of Heartland/ Browning Waterville for the compassionate friendship and care they extended Aunt Lola in the years she spent in their care. Friends and family may call Tuesday, December 1, 2009, from 3-8 p.m. at Peinert Funeral Home, 7220 Dutch Rd., Waterville, OH. There will be a Rosary service at 7:00 p.m. A Funeral Mass will be Wednesday at 10:30 a.m. at St. Joseph's Catholic Church, Maumee, OH. Burial will follow at Assumption Cemetery. Memorials can be given to the Epilepsy Center of Northwest Ohio, 1545 Holland Rd. Suite B Maumee, OH 43537. peinertfuneralhome.com

I am going to do the grown-up thing and miss the funeral. I want to go, but there are many many factors making it close to impossible for me to go. In memory of Aunt Lola, I will call the police on the first stray cat I see. :)

I love you Aunt Lola!

It's over!

On top of our hot water issues and the electronics graveyard, things got pretty crappy with a couple more pieces of bad news. It seemed like the weekend wouldn't end. As an attempt to reverse the mood of the weekend, we headed to Niagara Falls, Canada for the evening.

We had dinner, bought (and ate) fudge, went ice skating and enjoyed the holiday light display. Definitely made the weekend not suck completely.

The lights illuminating the falls at night looked cool in the mist and rain. It deserved a picture.


Tom skating at the Rink at the Brink, a new attraction on the Canadian side of the Falls.

Tom and her Dad skating.

Tom skating with me.



We have a few days of normal here in Buffalo until I head back to Ohio for a funeral. Nick will be enjoying his "normal" in Orlando, Florida for some work meetings.

Come on Monday! Bring it on! We are ready for the week.

Electronics Graveyard Part II

Awhile ago we had a rash of broken electronic items. The 2nd wave is here but I think it is a good time of year for replacements.

Our bathroom scale that I bought the last time is now malfunctioning. I hope I can just replace the batteries.

The hand-me-down DVD player eject button disappeared into the player. We can still use the remote for the 60% of the time when the player will actually play.

Zelda, our sexy Garmin GPS has fallen silent. Rest in Peace Zelda. You and Nick had a great year-or-so together. I wish you were still under warranty. You are hopefully being replaced today thanks to Best Buy and their post-Thanksgiving sale.

Nick's ultra fragile work laptop stopped working this weekend and when they sent the replacement shell, it too is broken.

The water heater has broken and we will do without hot water for a couple days. We will go greasy today but start begging for showers tomorrow. Nick has to leave for a work conference on Monday and I don't think the person he sits next to on the airplane wants to sit next to a fella that hasn't showered in 3 days.

Back Home

We are back home from our week-long visit down South. Cincinnati and Southern Indiana were fun. We are thankful that our house didn't burn down but I sincerely wish I could take a shower. The hot water heater is dead until Monday.

Struggling

It is just about 9:00pm and I thought I would be packed for our trip hours ago. I have hit a snag or two.

1. I decided to tidy the laundry/cat litter box areas of the basement. Three hours later, the basement looks a lot better, but I'm still not packed.
2. I was putting dinner on the table and Leroy decided he was going to knock my food all over the place.
3. Plugged in the iPod touch and the computer prompted me to update it. Instead, it wiped out all of the media and applications. About 99 hours later, the iPod has been restored.
4. I mistakenly threw a tie dyed shirt in the white laundry turning it all pink. In that laundry were brand spanking new socks.
5. Sarina tore open a bag of candy corn.

Wondering what is next. . . .

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I took a photo of my Thanksgiving Lunch at work today. It is basically a lunch lady's worst nightmare.

Turkey and gravy over mashed potatoes, carrot coins, dinner roll, pumpkin pie and gelatinous cranberry substance. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. All on a stainless steel table.

(I can't get the picture to rotate correctly)

Packing Day!

The day has arrived. Packing day. We leave for Cincinnati tomorrow and I have been assembling 3 lists.

1. List for house/pet sitters so they can find the dog food and know that the DVD player is missing a button.
2. Do Not Forget list with essentials such as Nick's clothes, phone charger and library books.
3. Things to do list. Put clean towels out, buy dog food and put gas in the car.

Nick is already in Ohio so it is my fault if I forget something. Maybe I should make a secondary list for Tom to check my work.

Tomorrow we go to school/work until around 2pm when we both leave early and leave for Ohio!

Is it Friday yet? and other stuff

Tom asked me yesterday
"Is it Friday yet?"
"No Tom, it is Tuesday. Why do you ask?"
"Because I want to see Friday Night Smackdown this week."
"Oh I see".
This is the point where I pound my head against the wall.

CHANGE OF SUBJECT

Yesterday we get a call from a telephone number I don't recognize. It is a friend from school. A boy! Oooo! Tom has a boyfriend! Tom has a boyfriend! The kid called to tell Tom that his tooth fell out and it was bleeding. I'm guessing they probably won't end up being soul mates. This is not a first-grade love connection that everyone was hoping for. My friend suggested that the boy probably doesn't even realize that Tom is a girl. Someone else said that Tom should call him when she gets her period.

CHANGE OF SUBJECT
I have this problem. I clench and grind my teeth when I sleep. The dentists give me an occlusal guard which I am supposed to wear in my mouth when I am sleeping to save the nubs that are left of my teeth. The occlusal guard costs around $400 and I have a nasty habit of breaking them. I don't step on it, or put it in the dryer. The dog doesn't chew them up either. I am such a violent tooth clencher, they break in my mouth. I rarely wear one because I can't afford to replace them so often.

My last night guard I received on October 13th only because our dental insurance agreed to pay for most of it. Last night I was awoken by a snap in my mouth. I broke the occlusal guard. It is still partially wearable, but I am still mad at myself. Why must I be so violent?

I want to take it back to the dentist and beg them to fix or replace it, but I just transferred my records to another dentist last week. Oh what a pickle I am in now. By the way, I pity the fool who tries to put his or her fingers in my mouth while I am sleeping. Not that I could ever imagine that happening, but you would probably lose a finger.

Normal Tom

Tom's school picture turned out nice this year! She never looks like this when I try to take her picture.

Stinky Farts

As a very mature good night gesture, I sit on Tom's bed and pass gas. You know, one of those tender mother-daughter moments a girl cherishes her entire life. Tom gets out of bed and makes a toot on my bed. She then tells me:

"Starting today, my farts are really stinky. You are going to have a hard time sleeping tonight!"

I too marked the day my farts started to smell really bad. Can I tell her that she is becoming a woman yet?

House Rules #2

Cory wanted more rules:

11. Do not squeeze the cat.
12. Marriage is not a license to be gross and fart around me every single day. You can make an attempt to break wind in another room if possible. Once in awhile is fine.
13. Do not eat potato chips straight out of the bag. Use a bowl. A gigantic bowl may be necessary if you insist on being a glutton.
14. Please refrain from sprinkling salt on your food before you try it. It offends me as the cook.
15. Toss all cardboard boxes and bubble wrap in the basement. I hoard them for the next time we need to move.
16. My bras and underwear are in 2 separate compartments in the drawer. Please take the time to determine whether or not it is underwear or a sports bra before tossing them all together.
17. I wear a size 7.5 shoe. Tom wears a size 1. Our socks are not the same size nor are our shoes. Please study them carefully.
18. When you take the trash out, you MUST but a new garbage bag in the can.
19. Speaking of garbage cans, I like mine clean enough to eat out of. The rest of the house may be disgusting, but the inside of the garbage can must be immaculate.
20. My pillows are mine. I do not share. Boy's pillows smell like. . . boy hair.

House Rules

I am a controlling beeyotch. I am not afraid to admit that. Therefore I torture my family with really ridiculous rules. Here are 10. There may be millions but this can get you started.

1. Bare feet are gross. Put on some socks dang it.
2. Eat in a silent manner. Shhhhh.
3. If the sun is in my eyes, please take care of that or I might resort to violence.
4. The bed must be made prior to sleeping. I don't care if it remains unmade all day, just make it before I get in.
5. Please do not shove the remote control in the couch cushions on purpose. . . NICK.
6. The half empty soda cans are mine. I have been known to drink one can of soda for up to 3 days. Do not dump them out.
7. Untie your shoes before putting them on your feet. I should not have to repeat myself.
8. Mail must be opened and sorted immediately. Recycling, Shredding, Filing.
9. Any hair or bodily fluids/solids must be removed from the interior/exterior of the toilet after each use. This includes "fish food" which is leafy matter that is left floating in the toilet sometimes even after flushing once.
10. Label each and every compact disc you burn on the computer. Returning a CD with information/music to the Blank CD spindle will result in certain death. Yes. Death.

Need Advice

I am painfully clueless when it comes to following other blogs. I tried to "follow" blogs through blogger, but it isn't updated when people actually post. Is there a blog reader that someone recommends?

What the Hell is an RSS reader? I don't know what an RSS reader/feed is. I don't even understand the wikipedia page about it.

I IS SO DUMB.

For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about (Dad, this means you!) please ignore this post!

The Dark Side

Tom woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Nick and I were up getting ready when Tom's alarm went off at 6:45am. She started screaming and hitting things which we found amusing. Tom came into my bedroom looking like thunder. She plopped down on my bed and I asked her if she was angry at her alarm clock.

"Yes! And the people who started school!" :(

"The people who started school" are those evil people who invented school many years ago. I hope they know that Tom is furious about this.

Tom was showing a little too much sass so I sent her outside about 15 minutes prior to the buses arrival. I wanted to say "Don't sass me" but I doubt that I can say it with a straight face. Going outside early is normal for her, but I refused to give her a football to play with because it was a punishment. This did not help with her mood at all.

I was taking the trash out and Tom was making mad faces the entire time. I told her to change her attitude and her reply was:

"I am on the Dark Side".

Ooooo! I'm shaking in my shoes! She then proceeded to bite her finger to see what the mark looked like. She confirmed she is a vampire AND a werewolf and she wanted to bite me. I declined the offer saying that if she draws blood I will have to get a Hepatitis C shot. Tom said:

"I look forward to everyone getting a shot because I am on the Dark Side. Don't you remember?"

I knew she was evil when I had continuous heartburn during my entire pregnancy.

Us versus the Lawn Mower

Our lawn is hideous. It is shaggy and ugly. All summer we paid a neighbor to cut it for us and we rarely touched the second hand mower we bought last year. I stopped paying the neighbor for 2 reasons. 1. We were broke and couldn't afford it. 2. He was tired of mowing our lawn.

For the past few weeks, I have been pulling the mower out of the garage and have been trying to start it to no avail. I even checked out Sears and Home Depot for clearance Lawn Mowers. Funny, the lawn mowers aren't on sale yet.

Today I got serious with a TON of help from my dad via the telephone. I replaced the air filter, topped up the oil, sprayed some starter fluid and even replaced our practically new spark plug. This required a trip to Home Depot and the car parts store.

We could get the thing started, but it wouldn't stay running for more than 2 seconds. Thanks to the help from my Dad, we decided that it was the fuel line. It probably clogged because the fuel I used was not stabilized. There should be a warning to NEVER USE UNSTABILIZED GASOLINE in the mower.

I called the lawnmower repair guy but he wasn't doing repairs until spring.

I Googled some stuff like "unclog fuel line in my lawnmower". I learned that the carburetor is part of the fuel system in my lawn mower. Can I find the carburetor? I found the air filter! What if I break the lawn mower? I am considering buying a new mower anyway!


What the heck. I went for it. I disassembled the mower and then Nick had to make another trip to Auto Zone for carburetor cleaner. By the time I got the mower put back together, it was pitch black. Unfortunately, I STILL couldn't attempt to start the thing because I had no gasoline. Unclogging the fuel line requires you to drain the gas tank. That gas was skunky anyway.

So. . . one more trip. This time to the gas station. I added stabilizer (I can't emphasize enough how important this is). I filled the tank and the mower started in my driveway in the pitch black of night. It was only 7:30pm, but it seemed like the middle of the night.

I would like to thank Nick for his patience and tolerance for my love of fixing stuff. Nick doesn't care about lawn mowers and he is man enough to admit it. I would like to thank the weather for being nice. I would like to thank most of all, my Dad. He put up with all 400 of my telephone calls. That is what Dads are for. You are the best!

I conquered a carburetor! Hooray!

Yes, I am completely insane for attempting this. I think this is up there with when I deleted Microsoft Office by hand. I still have nightmares about Registry Keys (whatever the heck they are). This does not top the craziest thing I ever did which was deciding to raise a human child. She is still alive so I guess I can do anything!

MORE football pictures?

Please keep in mind that this blog was originally intended for a way of sharing pictures with Grandmas and Grandpas. Please enjoy the pictures of Tom in her last game of the season. Her team won yesterday's Harvest bowl. The weather this weekend has been FABULOUS FABULOUS FABULOUS!

Tom (#68) posing with the team.
Tom gets some coaching on the field. I love this picture!
Post game Tom.
Tom VERY unhappy about the picture taking.
Playing on the swings after the game. I love to see all of these tough little guys playing on the playground after the games.

Tom fighting with Nick who was trying to take her picture again.

I am happy

I can't explain how much better I feel now that I have a job. I was voluntarily out of work for 2 long years. It is great to be able to take a day off whenever you want and I never had to worry about calling the boss when Tom was ill. In reality, I don't think staying at home is for me. This week I worked every day totaling 25 hours. I still have every single responsibility to take care of at home because Nick was gone this week, but it seemed easier to do those same chore after I worked 5 hours in a kitchen. Does that make sense? Absolutely not. Do I care? Absolutely not. Hooray for employment!

Last Practice

Tom hates getting her picture taken. Especially when I corner her in the bathroom and she knows I am going to post it online. She isn't trying to look tough, she just won't smile. The last play of practice, Tom got knocked hard to the ground and her facemask got all muddy. I thought she looked kick ass and it deserved a picture.

Tonight was the last practice of the season. We made it! It was freaking cold cold cold. The temperature is 38 degrees, but according to Weather.com, it feels like 31. It was pitch black before practice even started. Luckily, it was only an hour. The season will be all the way over this weekend after their last game. It is practically impossible to imagine what it was like when they had their first game in August. We came very close to melting.

Being a kid is fun

I heard some loud thumping noises when I was trying to get in the shower this morning. After investigating, I find Tom standing on my bed in her underpants making armpit farts. She admitted to jumping on my bed just a minute before that.

I wish adults could have this much fun on a random Wednesday morning.

Migrane?

Here is just one more tidbit of information when you fill out the Mom of the Year nomination form.

Halloween was Saturday night and we let Tom gorge herself on as much candy as she could eat in the 1/2 hour between Trick or Treating and bedtime. She did pretty well, but I was surprised that she somehow squeezed in a bag of pretzels instead of a bag of M&M's. Sunday morning, I let Tom nibble on some candy. Sunday afternoon, I let her have "2 pieces". Unfortunately, the suburban children get full sized candies so she had an entire package of Twizzlers and something else. Sunday night? Tom ate dinner (minus the yummy sauerkraut) and probably some more candy.

Tom started to complain of a headache and I offered to get her some pain reliever. She refused and I did what every concerned parent would do. I went to the grocery store.

Arriving home, I notice a funky smell and Nick comes downstairs with all of Tom's blankets covered in barf. Tom was in her bed in the dark trying to die because of her head splitting pain. She threw up some more and then went into her "migrane coma" as I call it. This morning, she wakes up 30 minutes early chattering away good as new.

I'm glad she's better and we have had our suspicions about this in the past. (Click Here to read about the last one)I think we are pretty sure what happened this time. Next headache? I'm getting the piller that I use to give Cheeseburger's medications and sticking it right down her throat if she won't take the Tylenol.

Happy Halloween!

It is officially the morning after. Tom slept until exactly 7am after the Daylight Savings Time adjustment. Her first words to me were "Daylight Savings Time ends today". I thought this was odd for a child to care about. About after 10 minutes of discussion of candy and stuff, I realized that it is now November and got excited to change the calendars. I questioned Tom if she changed the calendars in her room (she has 3) and her response was "of course!". I sometimes wonder if I have the only child in the universe that loves calendars so much, she changes them before using the restroom in the morning.

Trick or Treating went well. We dragged Tom up and down all new streets of the neighborhood then hit the streets we usually visit. Luckily, in our town there are NO SPECIFIC TIMES for trick or treating so we went out before 6pm and stayed out until about 8:45 when there were only large crowds of high schoolers left to wander the streets. Nick and I were the only parents to dress up. I thought this was odd, but maybe all of the dressed up adults were at cool parties that we weren't invited to attend. Sad Face.

Tom got a ton of candy that included several full-sized varieties of candy and a super cool Tom's of Maine tube of toothpaste. I still am getting used to the suburban haul of candy. Back in the Old South End of Toledo you would get a bag full of Tootsie Rolls, rock-hard gum, smarties and those black and orange peanut butter chewy things. There was someone over near Jones Jr. High that passed out toothbrushes. Oh the memories.

We did not end up purchasing extra toilet paper that Tom suggested earlier in the month for throwing in the trees. She was under the impression that it was a requirement and not for fun. She made it sound like a chore to TP every single house that didn't pass out candy. She was okay when I said No.

Tom's Bleeding Scream Face:


Sarina in her bee costume. She loves it can't you tell?


Dr. Nick and Sarina


Tom and I. I was a chubby Hermione from Harry Potter.

Tom's candy with the big candy (and toothpaste on top)

Lasertron

Tom's football team had a party at Lasertron this evening. Pizza and video games went smoothly for Tom. Then came the actual laser tag part. I was trying to be a tough parent and make Tom play with her friends. It was a massive FAIL. Tom wanted no part of it without her Mom. I wanted her to face her fear and step outside of her comfort zone. NO! That was not happening despite the fact that she knew every single person playing, it was a NEGATIVE. Grrrrr.

At the very very very last second, I give in and agree to play with her. So much for her being a well adjusted and independent child. I am sure this is why she won't pee at school. I blame myself 100%.

I did not want to play at all. I wanted to hang out with one of the other Mom's in the food area with her 2 year old while we make fun of the rest of the parents. bzzzzzz. Wrong Answer! Not gonna happen. I was pissed off.

The whole Training video Tom was holding my hand. She was especially put-off by the idea of the Rapid Fire Mode. It just sounded too scary for her. Then when the game actually started, she couldn't make her laser gun fire because you have to depress 3 buttons at once. It sounds much worse than it actually is. Tom took to laser tag quite easily. She basically stuck to one ramp area protecting one of our team's home bases. Tom never left her ramp which was directly in front of the score screen so she could monitor the situation.

I had a great time once I was sure that Tom was fully enjoying herself. By the end, I was a disgusting sweaty mess, but smiling.

Tom is fully ready to go back again. SOON! I look forward to it. Hooray for trying new things.

Dinner Conversation

This post is not about tonight's dinner. I was feeling overwhelmed with parenting today and I skipped dinner. I didn't actually skip dinner. I cut up a whole chicken (totally gross) and made this recipe that I tore out of November's Real Simple magazine. It was pretty good and really simple as the magazine suggests. Unfortunately, I left Nick to discuss the day with Tom. I had to escape and walk the dog before my head exploded.

I have been working almost every day as a lunch lady at different schools around the neighborhood. At dinner last week, Tom was sick and tired of my dinnertime interrogation and she tried to interrogate me. She asked (in her most grown up voice):

"So Mom, what is your favorite dish to wash? Spoons?"

That really cracked me up but maybe you had to be there.

House of Missing Crap

Usually there is one thing or another that we are unable to locate at any given time. It sucks, but it is reality around here. This weekend we were missing 3 things.

1. A library book called The End Zone. It is a graphic novel about a girl named Olivia that likes to play football. We checked it out 6 weeks ago and we have 3 more weeks until it absolutely has to be back at the library. You can only renew twice.

2. Tom's Halloween costume. How can you lose a Halloween costume in October? Tom was playing with it outside a lot. I am thinking she left it outside and a neighborhood kid took it home. She is wearing black cape with the Scream mask that you pump blood into so it looks like blood is dripping down the face. Gross. I know.

3. Another Library book. Henry and Ribsy by Beverly Cleary. We were reading it days ago and it's gone. Where the heck did it go? Grrrr.

Last night, I picked up a pile of clothes that were sitting on Tom's dresser and there was Henry and Ribsy! Hooray! We were so excited.

This morning, I had an epiphany that I may have hung the Halloween Costume in the coat closet. I was right! Score. I suppose I didn't want Tom to play with it too much before the holiday.

I am hoping the other book turns up soon.

She's so cute when she's angry

Today Tom got off the bus and came home in a very neutral mood. Not so good, not so bad. She asked if she could watch TV or play on her Playstation and I had to tell her that she had to finish last nights homework first. I knew that idea would be a dud, but I have to be the bad guy. Tom was sent to her room for 10 minutes due to a rotten attitude. She came back down and was sent back to her room after my attempt at guiding her through her homework was thwarted. I controlled my temper and did not raise my voice, but she ended up stomping up the stairs. She stopped and turned around to say:

"I hate you"

After I resisted the urge to grab her baby book and scribble frantically about this precious moment, I explained to her that she said a very hurtful thing and blah blah blah. I don't remember what I said because I was grinning on the inside. I have no feelings. I thought it was cute.

After quite a long time, I realize that it is 5pm and we should get going to football practice (exactly how homework was skipped last night!). I knock on her door and she doesn't answer. How could I forget? She hates me! Why on earth would she invite me in? I barge into her room and she is sleeping. Just the thought of trying to wake up the sleeping beast, get her ready for football and then expecting her to actually play is painful. Not to mention that they are scrimmaging against a pretty tough team tonight. I give up. We miss practice for the first time since football started in July. Why should I care? She already missed a game on Saturday.

About 6:30pm I go upstairs to wake her so she doesn't wake me up at 5am tomorrow.

FAIL!

The kid is covered in drool. I talk to her, hug her, kiss her, uncover her, promise her food. She rolls over and goes back to sleep. I guess it will be an early morning tomorrow. She needs some extra time to finish that homework anyway.

Working Girl

My new job as a substitute lunch lady is so fulfilling. Here is what my schedule looked like today:

Prepare soft pretzles, nacho chips and fruit.

Wash Dishes

Serve Burgers, Fries and Pizza

Wash Dishes

Serve Burgers, Fries and Pizza

Wash dishes

Serve Burgers, Fries and Pizza

Wash Dishes

Serve Burgers, Fries and Pizza

Wash a TON of dishes

Go Home.

This is so much less frustrating than inspecting filthy restaurants and having people lie to you all day long. I am even making $8 an hour! I even felt like I was physically active for several hours. Rock on.

Do you want fries with that?

Sick Day

Saturday Tom was sick to the point of staying horizontal for 24 straight hours. She had a really high fever and threw up the one thing she tried to eat. Not to mention the bad cold symptoms she was exhibiting. OINK OINK!!

Sunday Tom woke up in a fabulous mood and was all ready to take on the world. She still had the cold, but the fever was gone! She had an unfortunate complication from dehydration, but nothing a little laxative couldn't handle. She ate like a champ until mid-afternoon when she just wasn't "hungry enough for ice cream". At this point, any parent would run for the thermometer as well. Her fever came back. She went to bed with some Tylenol and slept well.

This morning, Tom is still suffering from cold symptoms and is spending the day at home. She is in an amazing mood and has no fever yet again. Wondering if I kept the house a little warmer than 58 degrees at night, Tom's temperature wouldn't be so low. Stay away fever!!

Dancing? No. Fever? Yes!

Tom had a cold yesterday and went to the dance. She got very glassy eyed and whiny so we left early. This morning she woke us up at 6:30am complaining of being too hot. Fever, cough, stuffy nose. She is now incapacitated and will miss her last regular season game. So much for that perfect attendance. :(

Tom doesn't dance

Friday night is the annual Family Dance at Tom's school. We didn't go last year and all we know about it is that they won't have pizza like they did last year. Stupid crappy f-ing pizza stealing PTA.

I have to attend this year because I agreed to sit at a table selling tickets to the fabulous amazing Fashion show where there will be food. I asked Tom if she wanted to join me. She was okay with it but warned me that she doesn't dance. Oh. . . okay Tom. It's okay if you don't want to dance.

She then informed me that she knows how to do a Touchdown Dance. I will sleep better tonight knowing that.

Confession

Tom can be embarrassing at times. All kids embarrass their parents. Tom is a strawberry blond cutie that thinks she is God's gift to the game of football (which she has proven false). Tom is a Harry Potter nerd. Tom is a ragamuffin who detests showers. Tom can't poop without a magazine.

But Tom crossed a line. Tom has a love for . . . I can't bring myself to type it.

Forget you even read this. I can't finish.


Okay. I have reconsidered and have done some soul searching. I am mentally prepared to confess.

Tom loves Professional Wrestling.

She was up late one Friday night and called Nick and I into the living room because she wanted to show us this REALLY COOL SHOW. It is called "Friday Night Smackdown"!!!

Yup. Now our Friday Nights involve The Undertaker and his merry men of Spandex. We spend a lot of time suggesting that Tom go to bed and then she begs to see one more match. Then we leave the room because we can't stomach the insanity.

We went to the toy section of our local big box store and Tom spent an excessive amount of time examining the oversized wrestling belts and wrestling action figures. I am torn between letting her enjoy watching her new found "sport" every Friday night and forbidding her from wrestling altogether.

I'll let you know if I find a happy medium. Then I'll write a best selling parenting book.

Weight Loss Update

I vowed to get real with my weight loss a few weeks ago. My paper tracker was indeed very magical! I lost 3 lbs and hit my 10% loss mark for the billionth time. Hooray for me!!!

Then I gained 3 lbs and i am exactly where I was originally.

I'm not giving up. It's not over. I keep reminding myself that I am 20lbs lighter than my "maximum capacity" as my sister called it. Go me!

MVP

It is getting to the end of football season for my little Tom. She has been consistently well behaved, enthusiastic, persistent and punctual for the entire season. She did have that one hiccup where she thought that football was too much for her, but she never gave up! Since then, she has been ultra hard working. Unfortunately, she still has a lot to learn and she isn't one of the stand-out players aside from the fact that she is the only strawberry blond girl on the team.

After each game they give out MVP medals. Yes, we suspected that eventually everyone would get one, and we were not surprised when Tom got her's today after a crushing 13-0 loss. It was a great week for them to give her the award since the team is struggling with a sidelined quarterback with a concussion and another very important player benched mid game after a serious hit to his head. Let's not mention the other little kid out with what is rumored to be the swine flu. The team had a very difficult game with a 15 yard gain being the most memorable play.

The presentation of the MVP awards occurs in a post-game talk from the coaches. Tom got hers from one of the Offensive coaches who pointed out that Tom has come to every single practice and never gives up. He emphasized SHE has a big heart and SHE makes some big hits not much of a surprise after he finished his mini speech. Tom thought this was great and she is still wearing her medal 6 hours later. I had a pretty good hunch that the award could go to Tom after they mentioned the Perfect Attendance part. Tom told me she was happy that I make her go to every single practice.

Go Tom! Here she is wearing her award. She has only taken it off to shower.

Feeling groovy

We moved here 2 years ago this month. It's about time that I return to the workforce. Okay, I guess I need some training wheels for this work thing. I have decided to apply for a substitute food worker at the local school district. I was told immediately that I was overqualified and hired upon the completion of several hoops I need to jump through.

I worked in the cafeterias throughout a lot of college and I have never minded doing that sort of work. I also inspected several school cafeterias as a part of my work as a Sanitarian. I am sure I know exactly what I am getting myself into. I am looking forward to this adventure.

Here are the steps to becoming a substitute lunch lady:

1. Apply. I brought in a revised resume highlighting my food service experience and food safety knowledge. Overkill? Yes. Hired? YES!

2. Go to another building and fill out tax forms. Groan.

3. Visit nurse at high school and get a TB test. News flash! TB tests are now administered with the use of a needle and an injection. Double Groan.

4. Get fingerprinted at Police Department. Super fun and interesting!

5. Pay $94 for background check which will be reimbursed once I work 20 hours. Semi-groan because this involved getting cash from the bank and then going across the street to 7-11 for a money order then taking it back to the School District office.

6. I still have yet to go back to the school nurse to have her determine the results of the TB test.

I hope I get to start working soon.

Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe!

Just for laughs

Just for the sake of embarrassment, I will recycle an old picture from 3 years ago. I needed a good laugh. Tom was 4 and was modeling a very sassy outfit. It includes an astronaut helmet, rain boots and a pair of backward underwear (she hated it when the picture was in the back). I am guessing this picture was the same year she had the incredible super power of shooting hot lava from her boobies.

Last night, she told me she was so happy that I was her Mom. If I didn't find her a football team, she wouldn't have this "great football career".

What a fabulous day already!

You may think I won the lottery. Not quite, but pretty close!

I was just finishing up a great night's sleep listening to the soothing sounds of the low-battery chirp of the smoke detector and the yowling of my tinkle puss Cheeseburger when Tom comes into my room an hour early. What a pleasant surprise!

Oh! that extra hour between 6 and 7am when I get to shower, brush teeth, dry my hair, pill the cat and let the dog out is such a nuisance! I'm so glad I had company for my pre-dawn hygiene rituals this happy morning most days I feel so lonely and quiet. It can be quite unnerving when you don't have a 7 year old chattering away outside the bathroom door while you are taking care of business.

We get ourselves ready for the day and head downstairs. Tom gets herself breakfast while I finish flat ironing my hair (I need to look good for the bus driver!). Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, my nostrils are greeted with the pleasant smell of feces. It is especially aromatic this fine morning! Of course Cheeseburger has a full litter box! He is getting really good at actually using it these days. He had a couple little dribbles of runny poo, but I'm totally used to the daily scrub down of all of the surfaces and bedding in his cage.

The smell is soooooo fragrant that, upon further investigation, I discover that Sarina had runny poo by the front door. "More?" You ask. . . could there be more? Why YES!!! Sarina also had left me a great big gift of runny poo by the back door too! By this time I am in an especially blessed mood and Tom is given a banana to supplement the rest of her morning banquet.

As I lean over the carpet with gloves on and a variety of cleaning supplies, Tom's magical gag reflex is triggered and she needs to return the banana. It didn't agree with her esophagus and was eager to be thrown up into Tom's awaiting hands. I was too occupied collecting my runny poo gifts to also collect chewed up banana. I sent her to her room with banana barf on her hands. I am guessing she cleaned it up in the extra 30 minutes she had before the bus came to pick her up because she was so eager to wake up an hour early today.

Some days I just can't quit smiling. Can it get any better?

Blah

Feeling pretty crappy lately. In times like these, posting depressing manifestos to my blog sounds like a bad idea. Here is just a snippet of my life at this moment:

I have been a very mean and demanding mother lately. The little patience I have toward my child is nonexistent right now. I am much too irritated over my tinkle puss. I must give him six pills a day as well as lock him in a cage with a cone on his head. He is on prescription food to dissolve the razor sharp crystals in his urine. The combination of the pills and the food is making his poop end up in places that are not the litter box. Then when the poop is in his bed, he might sit in it and can't clean it off properly because he has that dang cone on his head. Don't get me started on the smell. The special "paper litter" smells bad enough without cat scat in it. Oh yeah, I guess it sucks they cut off his wiener last week too. In the last 2 days I have gained 3lbs. things are NOT GOOD. Maybe it wouldn't be a good time to be my (neglected) kid right now.

On a good note! We went to a fundraiser night at Bob Evans last night where 15% of our dinner went to the Playground Committee. Tom got French Toast and Sausage garnished with whipped cream. I thought her sausage deserved a picture.

Cheeseburger is healing-boring cat post

I apologize for yet another post about the health of my pets. I promise, there are some people out there that do want to know. I get mixed reviews on the pet posts.

Cheeseburger came home from the animal hospital yesterday afternoon. The P.U. surgery went well. His incision is healing and there is no penis left from what I can see. So since he has such a high pitched voice anyway, he is our tranny (slang word for transsexual) cat now. I think "tranny cat" has a better ring to it than his previous nick name of "tinkle puss".

Cheeseburger should be confined to Sarina's dog crate for the next 2 weeks. He doesn't seem that upset so far because I think it sure beats the animal hospital. He has a food/water dish, cardboard box filled with fleece, litter box and a carpet square covered in fleece. I have even gotten in there with him for some maintenance. Our dog crate is a bit over sized for our 20lb dog.

He is wearing a cone on her head so he doesn't lick. I like how one of the veterinarians call the cone a "party hat". It is actually called an Elizabethan Collar or an E-Collar for short.

The veterinarian FINALLY broke down and gave him a pill in front of me. I have requested this before, but they were unwilling. This helped so much and now I am actually proficient at giving pills! This is a good thing because Cheeseburger is on at least 3 pills a day. Once I call the vet today, I may find out he is on 4. He has expressed his discontent with the daily pills, but that's just too darn bad.

My favorite places in the world.

A list of some of my favorite places on earth!

Toledo, Buffalo, Cincinnati, Cleveland and Detroit! Maybe I should check out the other 5. Chances are, I would like them too.

Jekyl and Hyde

Here is another video of how Tom Brady's mood can change in an instant (or an interception). She didn't know I was recording her little tantrum. She goes from singing her little fight song to mega witch in a matter of seconds. We prohibit physical violence or prolonged unsportsmanlike conduct so her tantrums are significantly more controlled than what she is capable of:

This video is another good form of birth control for my childless friends.